Vision was good because although you already used something we all do, you made it your own and you put a beautiful picture in my head of the person in the beginning and the boy at the end. I was there with the person and that is very hard to do.
I loved how you used this weird thing that we humans do but you used it to the best effect and you used it in a brand way which gave it that little touch that we (as the reader) can relate with.
This was done almost flawlessly and I loved the rhyming you used in every line. Unfortunately, some of the lines you wrote change the flow of the poem which disrupted it but that was soon forgotten about after you had read the next line after.
This was done very well because it did stay in mind and I did think that this could happen - I know look out for any pennies with great enthusiasm now!
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS POEM AND IT IS A DEFINITE FAVOURITE FOR ME. YOU ARE DEFINITELY ONE DEVIANT THAT I SHALL BE WATCHING VERY CLOSELY SO KEEP IT UP! <3